Valentines Day and Those Who Mourn

Valentines Day for those of us who mourn it’s yet another reminder of loss. For those that care how can we best help?

It’s no surprise that anniversaries and special days like Valentines Day can be  some of the hardest moments for those who are grieving.

Like Christmas, birthdays, wedding anniversaries, and especially the date of the loss itself—they all carry emotional weight that can catch us off guard. 

And around Valentine's it’s as if these moments seem designed to remind us of who is missing, whether we want the reminder or not.

These days are milestones which act as uninvited unwelcome reminders. In normal life, milestones calibrate distance as hard facts. For those that grieve they measure the distance back to the death of our loved one and with their stark reminder, our grief is re-opened. 

 Sometimes the experience can be almost crushingly overwhelming. Some days hit hard. Others pass more quietly than we expected. In fact, the build-up to the day can be worse than the day itself. And when the day feels less painful than we thought, we can even end up feeling guilty ‘This day should be really hard, am I already forgetting my loved one?’ These thoughts are common, and they don’t mean you’ve forgotten. They just remind us that grief isn’t predictable. 

 The truth is that you or I can never know for sure what the day will bring; and this uncertainty can add to the challenge. Will the day be this or that, one or the other? And that too can add to the turbulence. What is clear to all, is that the absence shouts louder on special days. The absence of our loved one is shoved in our face. Days and traditions that once brought great joy can now feel like a hot knife cutting into tender souls; or like a laser surgically applied to old wounds, partly healed but now re-opened. 

For those of us who grieve this week; Gill and I wanted you to know you're not on your own. You are in our hearts and minds and in our prayers. And in familiar verses that carry a fresh and heartwarming illumination Paul writes ‘The Father of compassion and the God of all comfort’.   However this week’s reminder impacts you and me, this scripture is a safe shoulder into which to lean.

For those who care how can we help?

Support and Acknowledgment Matter

 A simple message, a shared memory, or just being there for someone can mean everything. Grief can feel isolating and knowing that others remember can be deeply comforting.

For those who look on, finding some way to reach out can be difficult even risky; but for those who grieve it can be especially meaningful. This is true of words and actions.

Anniversaries often bring back memories and emotions to friends and loved ones with a surprising intensity. A person might feel they have "moved forwards a bit," only to find themselves deeply affected when a significant date arrives. For that reason, the thought and care of others is deeply meaningful.

 An email or a card with thoughtful words remind the grieving friend that you have carved out time in your busy world; overcome your own hurdle of doubt and worry of getting it wrong and you have done your best to add comfort and strength to show you care.

If you are thinking of someone who is bereaved this week especially, can we encourage you to reach out. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Support and Acknowledgment Matter  A simple message, a shared memory, or just being there for someone can mean everything. Grief can feel isolating and knowing that others remember can be deeply comforting.  For those who look on, finding some way to reach out can be difficult even risky; but for those who grieve it can be especially meaningful. This is true of words and actions.

Anniversaries often bring back memories and emotions to friends and loved ones with a surprising intensity. A person might feel they have "moved forwards a bit," only to find themselves deeply affected when a significant date arrives. For that reason, the thought and care of others is deeply meaningful.

 

An email or a card with thoughtful words remind the grieving friend that you have carved out time in your busy world; overcome your own hurdle of doubt and worry of getting it wrong and you have done your best to add comfort and strength to show you care.

If you are thinking of someone who is bereaved this week especially, can we encourage you to reach out.

Support and Acknowledgment Matter  A simple message, a shared memory, or just being there for someone can mean everything. Grief can feel isolating and knowing that others remember can be deeply comforting.  For those who look on, finding some way to reach out can be difficult even risky; but for those who grieve it can be especially meaningful. This is true of words and actions.